started playing guitar again. made loads of notes on diff songs that i can play once my fingers harden. at uni. didnt realise i booked an appointment for 9:30. i dont think i did i think they changed the time but idk. i missed it anyway. im missing a lot of things this year. i have a lab report too. and exams. like i care. tried to pay the taxi but i have no money. hope i can buy some dumplings at least.

got my mitts on my switch lite. played acnh. it's not as fun as i'd imagined. also tried ragnarok online. it's cute but the ui is tiny and the quests dont have any hints so most of it is just trial and error. levelled my ff14 character to lvl 90. ugh im so bored. mum finally bought buldak but i cant have any yet because i have to have dinner. but it want buldak to be my dinner. hmph!

my 21st birthday so far: woke up to a message and a few phone calls from my therapist saying she's worried about me. then spent £120 on a switch lite and the rest of my money on the maid outfit in ff14. remarked to my mother that it was my birthday and she just said oh. had eggs for breakfast and watched my baby brother smush a cupcake on the floor and eat the crumbs. took a shower. pondered about whether i'd go in. did my makeup and did quite a remarkable eyeshadow wing. took my time getting ready since i was already late anyway. got in the car and listened to poor aileen as the wind ran through the windows and the light shone on the trees outside. then listened to HIM. the sun was so concentrated on my face that it was starting to burn at my dark eyeshadow. science. i dont know whether ill get a cake. im not sure my dad even knows its my birthday. talked to my therapist. she said i look like i've seen better days. she bought me an ice cream. i bought myself another one and the guy handing it to me got half of it on the cone so i looked like a retard holding my ice cream sideways. my abaya is stained to oblivion. what an asshole. i should've told him to redo it but there was a queue forming behind me. todays the first time ive worn red lipstick in a while.

deactivated my twitter because i was tired of getting harassed by muslim men. also because my account has been restricted for a week. but i doubt im going back. my faith in God and religion in general has been wavering for the past 2 months and it's been bothering me. i'm going to try to regain my faith again so i don't have to deal with the pain of changing my world view. also because i kinda enjoyed being religious. this girl in my lab got a nose job. i kinda wish i was prettier even if it was by artificial means. i also wish my dad wasnt so stingy with his money and moved us to a different country that pays better for doctors. many other things too. what can i say. i live a pretty dreadful life.

had labs today. they went on for far too long and mostly consisted of pipetting assays. midway through i felt really faint but i persevered and ended up doing the whole thing. how brave of me. im really craving wingstop. or buldak or something

i only came into uni today to have chicken dumplings and the stall was fucking closing as i got on campus. ended up getting some veg dumplings from a stall nearby but they just weren't as good. too crispy and not chewy enough. they finished working on the library bathrooms. for some reason every fucking bathroom on campus is blazing hot. i cant be in there for long until i pass out. couldnt even take any nice photos of my makeup. fuck this dumbass university. ran into grace in the bathroom. i really did want to talk to her but i was gradually running out of breathable oxygen.

uni starts today. mother was insistent on waking me up early but i just dont feel it. we went to this kiddie ice cream theme park on saturday. it was windy and boring and i couldnt go on anything because i am huge. i got a brownie and 3 scoops of ice cream though. i posted this filtered ass photo of me on twitter and had like 200 retards in my comments giving their 2 cents on my appearance. twitter is the only fucking place where you can post a selfie and make people mad.

hate a lot today. sausages and gravy and mashed potatoes and then i took a fat nap and dreamt a lovely dream. i've been trying to get back to playing minecraft. i built a windmill and the beginnings of a barn in my forever world but i just can't man. can't find any farm animals for miles in that world for some reason it's impossible. i end up playing for 20 minutes then quitting. the only thing that ties me to that world is the nice ass house i have in there. idk. this week has gone by so fast. it's probably because i spend most of my waking life asleep though. i might go out for fro-yo again tomorrow. kinda craving it. and pie perhaps. my birthday is coming up. i thought i'd treat myself with a switch lite but my trust fund is looking concerning. damn my incompetent parents and their insistence on my investing into my uncle's business.

been doing nothing the past few days other than sleeping. our trip got cancelled. dad said there was going to be a storm. the wind sounded quite scary. i've been watching the boys. i doubt ill catch up before season 5 premieres. also been quite autistic about nate and blair. think i'll draw some fanart. i really need to listen to some new music.

hello. today i tried my hand at drawing and was stumped after 5 minutes. i cant seem to actually do the things i want and plan on doing. as soon as i start i feel immense boredom. what do i even do. i had a therapist appointment this morning. it was ok.

posted a selfie on twitter the other day and it got 3.8k likes. now i have a bunch of gross men following me ugh. i was going to go to uni today but i woke up too late. i was having a nice dream. i can't indulge the details but it was pleasant.